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The Intern: 39 Best Ryan Howard Quotes from The Office

39 Best Ryan Howard Quotes

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Ryan Howard (sometimes referred to as Ryan Bailey Howard) is a fictional character portrayed by actor and writer B.J. Novak on the US version of The Office. Ryan is one of the many antagonist’s that Dunder Mifflin manager Michael Scott comes up against during the 9 season reign of the show.

Starting out as an Intern, Ryan builds up his career in Dunder Mifflin to permanent staffer, manager (of sorts) and (eventually!) Convicted Fraudster who somehow ends up back in the employment at the Dunder Mifflin Scranton branch. A smart mouth privileged douchebag, Ryan has some of the most memorable quips after main character’s Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute.

Here’s some of our all time favourite quotes of Ryan’s from The Office – and if you enjoy them – let us know what they are.

39 Best Ryan Howard Quotes

1. Ryan Howard: [cleaning out Michael’s car] What about this bottle of power drink?
Michael Scott: Uh, what flavor?
Ryan Howard: Blue.
Michael Scott: Blue’s not a flavor.
Ryan Howard: It says, “Flavor: Blue Blast.”
Michael Scott: Oh, Blue Blast. Yes, put that in the trunk.

2. “Wow. How many Filet-O-Fishes did you eat?” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

3. “What am I gonna do with the award? Nothing. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. That’s the least of my concerns right now.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

4. [sees Todd’s license plate is “WLHUNG”] “You a big William Hung fan?” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

5. Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan Howard: Ryan Howard.
Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan Howard: What line of work you in, Bob?

6. Michael Scott: Hey.
Ryan Howard: I found the pudding cups you wanted at a gas station in Carbondale!
Michael Scott: You did it. Look at you. And with the plate and the napkin. Very nice. Thank you, Ryan.
Ryan Howard: You are very welcome.
Michael Scott: Did you get the yams?
Ryan Howard: No, the gas station in Carbondale did not have fresh yams.
Michael Scott: Oh, okay. I’ll just have the pudding.
Ryan Howard: You sure?
Michael Scott: [sighs] Yeah.

7. “If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I’d forget, too.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

8. Dwight Schrute: Michael wants us to bond, so we need topics for conversation.
Jim Halpert: Ponies.
Dwight Schrute: No.
Ryan Howard: How about rainbows?
Dwight Schrute: No.
Jim Halpert: Flowers?
Dwight Schrute: No!
Ryan Howard: Makeup?

9. “Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

39 Best Ryan Howard Quotes
“Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.”

10. Dwight Schrute: I didn’t know that you were at a party on Saturday night.
Ryan Howard: I go to a lot of parties.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, I’m gonna need to search your car. Give me your keys.
Ryan Howard: I am not giving you my keys.
Dwight Schrute: Don’t make me do this the hard way.
Ryan Howard: What’s the hard way?
Dwight Schrute: I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer, I know several, what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here, and make you give him the keys to your car and you will have to obey him.
Ryan Howard: Yeah, let’s do it that way.

11. “One beer and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries, sugar on the rim, blended if you can.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

12. Ryan Howard: A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa, and my cousin, Mufasa, was… He was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests, and we all took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience of what happened.
Michael Scott: Do you want to talk about it any more?
Ryan Howard: Oh, it would probably take me, like, an hour and a half to tell that whole story.

13. Dwight Schrute: And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed in you.
Ryan Howard: I don’t think you know what you’re saying.

14. Dwight Schrute: [after Ryan gulps down a beer] Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere.
Ryan Howard: [Stares into the camera] I think about that all the time.

15. Dwight Schrute: Brain teaser: I have two coins, totaling 15 cents. One of them is not a nickel. What are they?
Ryan Howard: A dime and a nickel.
Dwight Schrute: No. I said one of them is not a nickel.
Ryan Howard: But the other one is. I’ve heard that before.
Dwight Schrute: Okay. A man and his son get into a car accident. They are rushed to the hospital. The doctor says, “There’s no way I can operate on this boy, because he’s my…”
Ryan Howard: [cuts him off] “Because he’s my son.” The doctor is the boy’s mother.
Dwight Schrute: A man is found hanging from the ceiling…
Ryan Howard: [cuts him off] He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself and the ice melted.
Dwight Schrute: A hunter…
Ryan Howard: [cuts him off] It’s a polar bear, because you’re at the North Pole.
Dwight Schrute: Damn it!

16. “It makes perfect sense that it would happen today. Because I just received this in the mail.” [pulls out a box of business cards] “A thousand business cards with this address and phone number.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

17. Hannah Smotrich-Barr: [breastfeeding] Take a picture; it’ll last longer.
Ryan Howard: I’m sorry, it’s just… It’s a little distracting.

39 Best Ryan Howard Quotes
“Why don’t you ask my therapist? My mom certainly pays her enough.”

18. “I’m very flattered. I was his second choice after ‘pass.'” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

19. “Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but he will be missed.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

20. Jim Halpert: Hey, Ryan, wanna play a trick on Andy?
Ryan Howard: Not right now. Ask me again about 10 years ago.

21. “Is it the same grill you grilled your foot on?” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

22. “Look, I’m sorry okay? I was just trying to do my presentation. And of course I was wrong to suggest that Dunder Mifflin might ever go out of business. But you don’t have to fire me.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

23. Ryan Howard: [talking about Michael hitting Meredith with his car] Did this happen on company property?
Michael Scott: Yes. It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. We are fine.
Ryan Howard: I don’t think you understand how jeopardy works.

24. “How is it insulting to say that you’re good at something?” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

25. “Ever since I’ve gotten clean, there’s something about fresh morning air that just really makes me sick.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

26. “I want the same thing you want. I want to take Jim Halpert down. I want in.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

27. “We are getting divorced, Andy! This is such a raw time.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

28. Ryan Howard: Right. This isn’t the U.S. government.
Kelly Kapoor: What are you referencing?
Ryan Howard: Everything. Everything.

29. “Why don’t you ask my therapist? My mom certainly pays her enough.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

39 Best Ryan Howard Quotes
“I’ve finally mastered commitment!”

30. “Dwight, why is it on us to protect you?” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

31. “I’d like to make a toast: to the troops.” [everyone raises their glasses] “All the troops. Both sides.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

32. “Robert, you got your sheep, and you got your black sheep, and I’m not even a sheep. I’m on the freakin’ moon.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

33. “I’m in love with Kelly Kapoor. And I don’t know how I’m gonna feel tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, but I do know that right here, right now, all I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her. Again, that could change.” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

34. “Maybe we weren’t right together, but, it’s weird. I’d rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

35. “I’ve finally mastered commitment!” – Ryan Howard (The Office)

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