Love or hate MTV’s animated series Beavis and Butthead, the one thing we can all agree on is its spin-off show, Daria, was extremely successful in navigating the nonstop nuance of tedious teen life.
Starring Daria Morgendorffer, her sister Quin and their parents Helen and Jake – the show follows the four of them as they navigate American lifestyle in a brand new town. Specifically focusing on Daria Morgendorffer, the show quickly introduces Daria to her new best friend Jane, and together the pair navigate the dynamics of High School life and (most importantly) how to avoid the dynamics of High School life.
A self professed loner, Daria spends the majority of her time at high school avoiding his selfish sister, Quinn, and hanging out with Jane as they plan out new and inventive ways to avoid the social traps of adolescene. Ie – parties. Thanks to the voice acting talents of Tracy Grandtsaff, Daria’s monotonal quips which reference a butt-load of pop culture quotes, are a great narrative on life in American surburbia.
We’ve included 34 quotes from the disenfranchised Daria and we hope you enjoy all of them.
Daria quotes from Season 1 of the Famous MTV Show
Daria: I have low esteem for everyone else.
Quinn: Nobody told me about any test!
Daria: Don’t worry; It’s a psychological test. You’re automatically exempt.
Quinn: Oh, alright.
Helen: Daria, your father’s trying to tell you not to judge people until you know them. You’re in a brand-new school in a brand-new town. You don’t want it to be Highland all over again.
Daria: Not much chance of that happening… unless there’s uranium in the drinking water here, too.
Ms. Claire Defoe: Good work, Daria. Your cube is BURSTING out of the picture plane. You’ve really created the illusion of depth.
Daria: I’m thinking of going into politics.
Brittany: Hey, even though I’m much more popular, we have some things in common.
Daria: Breathing?
Jane: So, have fun?
Daria: Well, I didn’t talk to a whole bunch of new people, I made Quinn want to throw herself down a well, and I’m going home with a bonus sock. All in all, a great night.
Daria: I’m not really sure I want to be a professional student.
Professor: But I don’t want you to study. I want you to teach.
Daria: Well…
Professor: Not here, of course. On our Paris campus.
Daria: Oh! Okay.
Professor: Superb! Now I can use your dorm room to carry on affairs with some of the more beautiful undergraduates. Thank you!
Daria: How come, even in my fantasies, everyone’s a jerk?
Jane: What happened to all your paper-writing money?
Daria: My mom wouldn’t let me keep it. She said it was wrong to encourage cheaters and to profit from them.
Jane: So, she’s giving up being a lawyer?
Daria: I asked her that, and I’m sure some day we’ll once again be on speaking terms.
Daria: Okay, look, I’m not going to rewrite this paper for you, but I will give you a couple of tips that will help you rewrite it. First, the book title “Sons and Lovers” does not have an apostrophe in it… anywhere. Second, unless your ex-boyfriend is an authority on D.H. Lawrence, don’t base your thesis on something he said while making out.
College student: What about something he said when we broke up?
Daria: …no.
Daria Morgendorffer: Yeah. I’m tired of being at a school where the kids just think they’re cooler than me. I want to go to one where they’re smarter than me also.
Mr. Timothy O’Neill: Right here and now, let’s pledge to make Daria’s dream a reality!
Daria: You mean… the one where people walking down the street burst into flames?
Jane: Do you know CPR or anything?
Daria: I once gave the Heimlich maneuver to Quinn.
Jane: Did it work?
Daria: She wasn’t choking.
Kevin: All right. Field trip. Where we going, man?
Daria: The field.
Kevin: All right.
Daria: If you play that John Lennon song backwards, it says, “Imagine all the people, browsing in a mall.” Isn’t that weird?
Daria: It smells like… like…
Jane: Teen spirit?
Jane: I’d love to have hair like that woman who’s molested by a kangaroo.
Daria: Really? She looked so… Everyday.
Jane: I mean after she was molested.
Daria: So then Miss Li admits to doing this to pay for new bullet-proof skylights. The whole thing’s enough to turn your stomach. Which I guess is good if you want to be a model. Eases the transition to bulimia.
Quinn: You gotta let me do this, you always say I can be anything I wanna be!
Helen: Yes. We do say that.
Daria: That reminds me: May I become queen of Brazil?
Daria: Isn’t modeling for people who drop out of high school to pursue a career based solely on youth and looks, both of which are inevitably declared dead by age 25?
Ms. Angela Li: Do you have a point, Ms. Morgendorffer?
Jane: And don’t fashion people squander their lives loudly worshiping all that is superficial and meaningless, while the rest of the planet keeps riding a roller coaster to hell?
Ms. Angela Li: Modeling is a competitive field, yes, but the financial rewards are great. As principal, I’d be cheating our student body if I didn’t allow them every opportunity to fulfill their potential.
Daria: Excuse me. Can we assume the financial rewards are great for the school as well?
Ms. Angela Li: That is really none of your business!
Daria: But I don’t want to miss a lesson in applied economics. I’m trying to fulfill my potential.
Helen: You really feel strongly about this.
Daria: What do you mean?
Helen: Well… You’re talking to us.
Kevin Thompson: You know, Daria, I really liked hanging out at your house and working on the maze thing.
Daria Morgendorffer: Yeah, the week just flew by. It was like you were hardly there.
Sick, Sad World Announcer: They bake cookies by day, but the really heat up at night! G-String Grandmas, tonight on Sick, Sad World.
Quinn: Gross!
Daria: For once, we’re in agreement.
Daria: Oh, look, there’s been a last-minute change in the schedule. It’s time to watch TV.
Tad Gupty: But too much TV is bad for you.
Tricia Gupty: It can turn you into a zombie, Daria.
Daria: Well, that’ll make three of us.
Helen: I mean, when a woman is elected president, it won’t be because she got breast implants.
Daria: At least she’ll have her people deny it.
Helen: What was wrong with Brooke’s old nose?
Quinn: It wasn’t cute. It had, like, an extra bone in it.
Daria: Hey, it’s almost time for dessert. Can we discuss liposuction now?
Jane Lane: So, basically, you’ve convinced them that you were too dull to be worth grounding.
Daria: Exactly, and the sad thing is, it’s kinda true.
Helen: Tonight we’re going to set some boundaries, and we’d like your input.
Quinn: Well, everybody knows that late curfews should go to people who can really use them; attractive and popular people with lots of friends.
Daria Morgendorffer: Wow, who said that, Thomas Jefferson, or was it Barbie?
Quinn: Is this gonna take long? I’m suppose to be somewhere.
Daria Morgendorffer: Oh, is there another tight pants sale going on at the mall?
Helen: [Quinn, at the dinner table, is showing her temporary tattoo] Quinn, what is that thing on your arm?
Quinn: Don’t worry, mom! It’s fake.
Daria: Aww, you got a tattoo to match your personality.
Quinn: Can I have 29.95 for a removable nose ring? No piercing required!
Daria: Good idea. You don’t need any more holes in your head.
Daria: Dammit! It’s my turn to say Dammit!
Daria Morgendorffer: Oh, is there another tight pants sale going on at the mall?
Daria: I hope the raging envy you’re feeling won’t affect our friendship.
Jane: I do envy you.
Daria: Then I’m afraid the fever has reached your brain and you’ll have to be destroyed.
Mr. O’Neill: You probably think about the dark side all the time.
Daria: The… dark side? Are we talking about “The Force”?
Quinn Morgendorffer: So I called up Sandi, and Stacy, and Tiffany, and the Fashion Club is going to take up a collection to get safe new goal posts. Like, to honor the dead guy’s memory.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: Quinn, what a wonderful impulse. To make something positive come out of this devastating event.
Quinn Morgendorffer: Daria gave me that idea. She’s really good at this tragic stuff.
Daria: Thanks, but it was one of the safe new goal posts that fell on him.
Quinn Morgendorffer: Oh! Well, it’s the thought that counts.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: And how do you feel, Daria?
Daria: I feel great. How else could I feel? I’m the misery chick.
What are your favourite Daria Quotes?
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