Schitt’s Creek was a cultural phenomenon. From it’s smart and snappy dialogue to its unending pop culture reference and bad puns. While your favourite character might have been David Rose or motelier Stevie, its the vivacious and over the top monologues from Moira Rose that epitomised the vibe of Schitt’s Creek.
A mother, a soap actress, a politician, a fashionista, an awkward role model, the glue that held the Rose’s together. Moira Rose has endless one liners that we all love and just have to share with you all.
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Moira Rose Quotes from Schitt’s Creek
1. “Let’s all pray we don’t wake up!” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
2. “My very soul has been kidnapped, there’s no ransom. NO ONE’S COMING TO SAVE ME!” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
3. “Please, someone just give me a key, to a door, to a room, any room. I just want a bathtub and a long extension cord, please.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
4. “Pick up a hammer and nail this coffin shut.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
5. “The opportunities will diminish and the ass will get bigger- oh yes, it will – especially yours; you’re going to have a huge ass!” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
6. “Sadly, and most of the time, we have no interest in what’s going on with you.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
7. “This place is very charming… Rustic cottage – I half expected early Unabomber!” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
8. “I hate to tell you this but having sex isn’t just about having children so that they can grow up and make you feel guilty about it. I will not be shamed! Shame on you!” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
9. “In the lea of a picturesque ridge lies a small, unpretentious winery, one that pampers its fruit like its own babies. Hi! I’m Moira Rose, and if you like fruit wine as much as I do, then you’ll appreciate the craftsmanship and quality of a local vintner who brings the muskmelon goodness to his oak Chardonnay and the dazzling peach crabapple to his Riesling Rioja. Come taste the difference good fruit can make in your wine. You’ll remember the experience, and you’ll remember the name: Herb Irvling-ger. Burt Herngeif. Irv Herm-linger. Bing Liveheinger. Live Link. Burt Herkern. Burn-. Agh! Bingo Lingfucker.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
10. “I once had to deliver a eulogy at the funeral of my Sunrise Bay co-star. I didn’t know what to say so I sang a few lines of Danny Boy.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
11. “It would be her first piece of clothing made outside of mainland China. I’m gonna do it.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
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12. “David, what you did was impulsive, capricious, and melodramatic but it was also wrong.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
13. “Audition? Though I’m sure you mean no offence, in the actual world of entertainment, I’m what’s known as, “offer only.”” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
14. “We are currently sleeping on a rectangular collection of knives and barbed wire, John.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
15. “Do you remember what Goldie Hawn told us at the amfAR dinner? ‘You are the life you accept for yourself.’ Those are Goldie’s words. Or something someone said to her. In india. Or, perhaps she read it. In any case it has always stayed with me. I will not accept this life and neither should you.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
16. “I am suddenly overwhelmed with regret. It’s a new feeling for me, and I don’t find it at all pleasurable.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
17. “Equality. Freedom. Marriage. These are the rights of every community, and even more specifically… the business community. No faction of society deserves to be discriminated against, especially women who are in the business faction. One of my top priorities will be to… to change people’s misguided and ignorant perceptions of women like you. You did not choose this life. No, each one of you… was born to be… an entrepreneur.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
18. “Nice to meet you, Jacob. If you take half as much care of our son as you do your physique, David should be in very good hands.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
19. “A heavy salad might as well be a casserole.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
20. “I will not be tried and condemned by the likes of you two.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
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21. “Yes! Yes! Plenty of work to be done. Unfortunately, my previous engagements preclude me from offering my beneficence around the motel today! JOHN I HATE TO LEAVE YOU LIKE THIS!” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
22. “I’ll talk to her and tell her that SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO DUMP THIS PERSONAL AND FINANCIAL BURDEN ON US!” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
23. “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me the keys to a Lamborghini.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
24. “Who left a picture of a ghost on my desk?” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
25. “David, can you just once embrace joy?” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
26. “I’m starting to get keyed up about this prospect of a mother-daughter power team. A modern day Judy and Lorna.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
27. “I worked in soaps. They had me play my own father, who then became pregnant despite the vasectomy. I still hold the record for the longest – running demonic possession on daytime television.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
28. “Yes, the exact sentiment expressed by the passengers as they stepped aboard the Titanic. What? They were having a rip-roaring bash before that bloody iceberg.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
29. “Well, what kind of ailurophobe sends their kitty out to play on such a busy stretch of highway?” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
30. “You are the most important thing in this world to me, you know that John! And I include Caroline in that, and I’ve had that wig for 40 years!” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
31. “Thank you Officer, for your almost militant commitment to the protection of our community.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
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32. “I promise to keep my husband habilimented from now on.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
33. “David’s nighttime enuresis only comes around when he’s juiced up with excited anticipation about something. Christmas, birthdays, The Ides Of March. Now it’s your impending nuptials that have opened up the floodgates.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
35. “Alexis, if you desire a love with longevity, the key is to have as little in common as possible.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
36. “Different notes, different tannins, but… together, you’ve managed to make one perfect blend.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
37. “Alexis, let’s not count our poultry before it’s incubated.“ – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
38. “You take that ember of independence and you keep it burning. Because you, my darling, are destined to be on fire!” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
39. “May… may I just proclaim that I have rarely… never, I’ve never felt more buttress than I have in your company, dear gals. Not to flog a metaphor, but wolf pups are born blind and deaf, and in your care I have learned to see and hear the beauty of the bucolic. Oh, no. No, let’s not turn this into a Hallmark movie of the week. I’ve done enough of those for a lifetime. Okay?” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
40. “There’s a time and a place for sentimentality and your only son’s wedding is hardly the time or the place.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
41. “Nice as the smell of the liqueur wafting from your breath.” – Moira Rose (Schitt’s Creek)
What did you think of these Moira Rose quotes?
Is Moira Rose your favourite Schitt’s Creek character? Are any of these one liners your favourite Moira quotes? Let us know on social media.
