Andy Samberg has spent the majority of his career playing some really idiotic, moronic, stupid characters but his portrayal of wannabe stuntman, motorcyclist and backyard funnyman Rod Kimble (in Hot Rod) is no exception. Hot Rod came out in 2007 and features some of the funniest humans on the planet in supporting roles. Including: Isla Fisher, Jorma Taccone, Bill Hader, Danny McBride, and Ian McShane for starters.
Condensing this list of funny quotes was no easy feat and who needs a Top 10 list when you can have 21 roaring laugh out loud moments in one fun place online? So, rev your engines and clear out of your pools, because here’s 21 of the Best Hot Rod quotes in all their glory!
21 Best Hot Rod Quotes
1. Rod Kimble: You look pretty.
Denise: [turning around] What?
Rod Kimble: I said you look shitty. Good night Denise.
2. “I’m freakin’ PUMPED! I been drinkin’ green tea all goddamn DAY!” – Rico
3. Denise: I’m sorry, Rod. What were you going to ask me?
Rod Kimble: Um, I was gonna ask you who you think would win in a fight between… a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco.
Denise: Is that what you were really going to ask me?
Rod Kimble: Of course.
Denise: Well, I think the grilled cheese sandwich – in a fair fight. But if it was prison rules, I’d put my money on the taco.
Rod Kimble: Wow, that’s pretty racist but correct. I’ll see you later.
4. “GOD! I go to church every goddamn Sunday! You gonna bring the DEMONS outta me?” – Rico
5. “I’m kinda grumpy today, dude. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I was having those dreams again. Ya know, how it’s just me in a castle and I gotta fight, like, a thousand wizards and the only way to beat them is to punch them as hard as I can in their faces.
“Then, when I’m done, all their little wizard wives came out and wanted me to have sex with them – which is kinda weird.” – Rico
6. “You know, pools are perfect for holding water…” – Dave
7. “I’d rather die than live in a world where I can’t kick your ass.” – Rod Kimble
8. “Yoo-hoo, shit heads, I found this bag of fireworks in the men’s restroom. Would you guys like to light them off?” – Rico
9. “You’re wrong, Frank. I’m not a kid, I’m a man. I am gonna get you better, and then I’m gonna beat you to death!” – Rod Kimble
10. “Never sneak up on a man who’s been in a chemical fire.” – Frank Powell
11. “I needed to think about last night. So I galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out my rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, I realized what has to be done.” – Rod Kimble
12. “You have only to believe if you wish to achieve. That rhymed. Unintentional.” – Rod Kimble
13. “Have fun being married to SATAN!” – Rod Kimble
14. “Frank, I’m going to get you better, you old sack of shit, and then I’m going to uncork the ass beating of a lifetime on you! And you will respect me! Peace!” – Rod Kimble
15. “Life is pain – we’ve got to scrape the joy from it every chance we get.” – Rod Kimble
16. “Now I don’t want to say that kiss was hot, but if the boner police are here, I want a lawyer!” – Barry Pasternak
17. “I’ve got a tattoo here that fully illustrates my point. It’s of this rebellious young man, and he’s urinating on an FM radio. And then this other stream of urine is going onto that television set. Implausible, I know, but I like to think that he had sex the night before, and a little bit of residue is blocking his urethra, allowing the urine to flow in two separate directions.” – Barry Pasternak
18. “I’m officially kicking off Phase Two: Operation Fiscal Jackhammer.” – Rod Kimble
19. “What’s going on? Is this some sort of interactive theatre art piece?” – Rod Kimble
20. “It’s bouncing around the Web like a beachball at a Nickelback concert.” – Rod Kimble
21. Scrooge: Ho Ho Ho! A cooked goose for everyone!
Barry Pasternak: It’s Ebenezer Scrooge!
Scrooge: Yes! A cooked goose! Ho Ho Ho!
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