75 Best Leslie Knope Quotes
When it comes to Parks and Recreation, there is no character that is as important as Parks Department employee, Leslie Knope. Leslie Knope is a smart, hilarious and confident woman who does whatever she can to improve the local parks department but she will also do anything for her friends.
Here’s our all time favourite Leslie Knope quotes from the show Parks and Recreation – some to laugh out, others to inspire.
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1. “Why do I want to build this park so bad? Maybe because a pit filled with garbage isn’t the best that we can do in America. You know, in Russia they could pretend that pit was a park. Bring their kids down there: “Hey Vlad, uh, look at these rocks. Let’s pretend their potatoes. Nikolai, do you want to swim in the dirt?” But not here. O.K.? Cause we’re a nation of dreamers, and it is my dream to build a park that I one day visit with my White House staff on my birthday. And they say, ‘President Knope, this park is awesome. Now we understand why you are the first female President of the United States.”
2. “They can’t touch you if you talk forever.”
3. “There are ten murals here in this hallway. This is called “The Trial of Chief Wamapo.” It was painted in 1936, and this is Chief Wamapo. He was convicted of crimes against the soldiers. I’m always amazed at his… quiet dignity right before he’s killed by a cannonball.”
4. “Everybody knows that we cannot accept gifts for over $25 for corruption reasons. We live in a fish bowl. Everyone is watching us. That’s why I go two towns over if I want to rent a movie with nudity in it.”
5. “Oh, it’s a long story. I’m the guest of honor at this gay bar tonight. I guess gay men are starting to like me. I dunno, I guess they think I’m fabulous or something.”
6. “The Bulge is a gay bar? Ugh, the nights I’ve wasted there…”
7. “I would like to be president someday, so no, I’ve not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn’t any pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.”
8. “Wanna hear something awful? He didn’t even know who Madeline Albright was.”
9. “The only thing I’m guilty of is loving Pawnee. And punching Lindsay in the face and shoving a coffee filter down her pants.”
10. “There’s nothing we can’t do if we work hard, never sleep, and shirk all other responsibilities in our lives.”
11. “I don’t know. But I know how I feel and I want to be with you. But I’m done steamrolling people.”
12. “Hoes before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before brovaries.”
13. “We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to to come third.”
14. “What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring really loudly at me.”
15. “Winning is every girl’s dream but it’s my destiny.”
16. “Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?”
17. “I wonder who else was born in Eagleton… Voldemort probably.”
18. “I don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in heck and the absolute worst day of my life.”
19. “I have the most valuable commodity in America: the blind, stubborn belief that I am doing what is right.”
20. “I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.”
21. “I am big enough to admit that I’m often inspired by myself.”
22. “I took your idea and I made it better.”
23. “I’m going to be direct and honest with you. I would like a glass of red wine and I’ll take the cheapest one you have because I can’t tell the difference.”
24. “What if he shows up with another woman? What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and spreads rapidly? What if, instead of Tic Tacs, I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake? These have happened. All of these have happened to me.”
25. “I’ve told you that the Eagletonians are awful, terrible people. They call their boogers ‘Pawnee caviar’.”
26. “Hobbies? Organizing my agenda. Wait, that doesn’t sound fun … jammin’ on my planner!”
27. “In 1988, we were hit by a tornado. We asked Eagleton for help, and they claimed they weren’t home.”
28. “It’s not that I don’t trust Ben. It’s that I don’t have faith in Ben. And also I’m starting to forget who Ben is.”
29. “One time I drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine.”
30. “The only thing I’ll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!”
31. “Ann, you beautiful tropical fish.”
32. “The things that you have done for me; to help me, support me, surprise me, to make me happy — go above and beyond what any person deserves. You’re all I need. I love you and I like you.”
33. “Well, I tried to call Oprah. Couldn’t get her number. I’m putting it out there, like The Secret. And hopefully she’ll call me.”
34. “Ann, you rainbow-infused, space unicorn.”
35. “Guys love it when you can show them you are better than they are at something they love.”
36. “Maybe it’s time for more women to be in charge.”
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37. “Ann, you poetic, noble, land mermaid.”
38. “Oh Ann, you’re too beautiful to be funny. It’s not your fault.”
39. “One person’s ‘annoying’ is another person’s ‘inspiring and heroic’.”
40. “Ann, you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby.”
41. “Pawnee’s library department is the most diabolical, ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I’ve ever seen.”
42. “You’re a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk-ox.”
43. “Sometimes you have to make the hardest climb to see the most beautiful sunrise.”
44. “Oh, Ann, you beautiful rule-breaking moth.”
45. “I have to get ready for the Chamber of Secrets.”
46. “I guess some people object to powerful depictions of awesome ladies.”
47. “I am a Goddess, a glorious female warrior.”
48. “If I had to have a stripper’s name it would be ‘Equality.'”
49. “Like I always say, stairs is a young man’s game.”
50. “Oh, so just because I can’t go out with him, someone else can?”
51. “Why did I change my hairstyle? Oh, I don’t know. I decided it would look better… or my kids got gum in it.”
52. “Oh, Ann, I always forget because you’re so pretty, you’re not used to rejection.”
53. “No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me. I’m like a white male US senator.”
54. “Now go find your team. Get to work. Whatever that work is that you find worth doing. Do it, and find some people to love who’ll do it with you.”
55. “Guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.”
56. “Oh my God, I’m so hungover. I’ve never been this hungover. Are we dead?”
57. “Everyone should love waffles. If they don’t, they’re crazy.”
58. “I need you to text me every 30 seconds that everything is going to be OK.”
59. “Hey, Leslie. It’s Leslie. Hang in there. I love you. Bye.”
60. “Everybody pants now! Pants, pants, pants, pants.”
61. “Men’s rights is nothing.”
62. “Every great work of art contains a message, and the message of this painting is: ‘Get out of my way, unless you want an arrow in your ass.'”
63. “Do you have like a first date outfit I could borrow? Like, I don’t know, a pair of cargo pants?”
64. “Good evening, everyone. I’m Leslie Monster. And this is Nightline.”
65. “No offense, but I don’t remember you having a nursing degree in feelings!”
66. “Can’t make a good soup, can’t do a handstand in a pool, can’t spell the word “Lieutenant.” There’s a lot of ‘Can’ts’ in my life right now.”
67. “It’s like dealing with a strict mother. Who I am confusingly attracted to. Ben is like a MILF.”
68. “That’s why people respect Hillary Clinton so much. Cause nobody takes a punch like her. She is the strongest, smartest punching bag in the world.”
69. “You shut your mouth. You have all the strengths.”
70. “Ooh! You know what’s always sexy? Fingerless gloves.”
71. “One person’s annoying is another’s inspiring and heroic.”
72. “I hate paperwork. I hardly ever do it in my bed on a Saturday night while listening to old Spice Girls CDs.”
73. “This could be my crowning achievement – I could retire! I mean, I wouldn’t. I’m gonna work until I’m 100 and then cut back to four days a week.”
74. “That son of a bitch is astute.”
75. “Let’s break out a map. Not the old out-of-date one that shows where we’ve been, but a crisp new one that shows where we might go. Let’s embark on a new journey together, and see where it take us.”
Which are your favourite Leslie Knope quotes?
Which are your favourite Leslie Knope quotes? Did we miss any?
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